Unplugging

I've been battling a pretty good case of the blues the past couple of months. Nothing I can put my finger on. Just feeling generally stressed, anxious and not happy. I blogged about it but only shared it with a few friends. Link is here if you want to know where my head was at...it's pretty negative so, you've been warned....
http://mommymightymouse.blogspot.com/2016/03/the-art-of-letting-go.html



Made the decision to do something different for a while. I deactivated my facebook and my Instagram accounts last week. I needed some time unplugged. Wanted to focus on what makes ME happy, MY successes and real life friendships. My guys left for NC on Wednesday early and will be back on Tuesday night. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle being alone but so far, it's been REALLY good for me.



I've made beautiful meals for myself, complete with flowers!

I have spent time nurturing local friendships and it's been lovely. I met my friend L for lunch then went to my fave spice shop afterwards. I took a sunny walk with my friend J then had spicy hot chai in a lovely café. I went out for dinner and rowdy fun with my friend A (ohhhh my head). Feels good opening up to people who actively seek out my friendship. 

I spent an entire day alone and I survived. I more than survived actually. I THRIVED! I went to Nisqually Wildlife Refuge and spent hours strolling in the sunshine. I had a song in my heart and it showed. Have you ever been SO overwhelmed with joy and gratitude that your eyes well up for no reason? Yeah, happened to me like 4 times that day. After the refuge trip I took myself out for lunch then coffee and a treat! I need to enjoy my own company more often I think.

As far as training goes, I've relaxed my "I HAVE to do xyz today" approach. I have been waking up and asking myself "what do I FEEL like doing today to keep my body active and happy?" So far, that's working well. Yesterday I ran 10.3 miles...pain free. WHOOT! Feeling really positive about the half marathon in May! I think I can do it without getting hurt this time! YAY! I took a route I'd mapped out for myself online and it was gorgeous. Ran past the river then around the lake. I had a big smile on my face for most of the run!



Still trying to decide if I love crossfit or not. I don't care about "fitting in" anymore. I'm going to show up, be happy and do my best to grow as an athlete. I don't know if my not feeling the love is about my current state of mind or if it's more than that....I think the expectations I had about feeling like I was part of the community were unrealistic. I may look into bootcamp style classes or personal training (if I suddenly find a money tree blooming with $100 bills)  but I think I want to try giving crossfit a fair shake for at least the next month or two.

So, that's where I'm at and what I've been doing. Thanks to my friends who've texted and emailed to check on me. I'm not locked inside my house with 87 cats whom I've dressed in costumes. I'm alive, happy and healthier than I've been in a long time.

The Art of Letting Go

I'm learning the art of letting things go that don't work for me. Crazy training schedules, restrictive ways of eating, trying to create a space for myself in communities where I don't fit in....I'm tired of it all. I'm stressed, feeling down and realizing how much effort I've put into things that simply aren't working for me.

Decided to deactivate my facebook account and Instagram accounts for a  little while several days ago. Realized I can't deactivate facebook til I switch over my Spotify account as it's synched to FB. I haven't been on there much and have hardly posted. Same with IG. I thought it was a fun way to keep up with friends near and far. I've realized that my definition of friendship needs to be re-defined. How many social media "friends" are friends in real life? Is there an honest connection there or just some bond made by common interests online? My in real life friends know how to get in touch with me outside of facebook and a couple have. Thanks for that you guys!

Regarding training...I'm still half marathon training though I've come to a screeching halt the past few days. Took 2 mental health days to get out, walk and enjoy life a little then got a raging sinus infection which is currently kicking my ass. I'm hoping I wake up tomorrow feeling better so I can get my long run for the week in. I was all excited about the running group that started up at my box and I was jazzed to attend. Then I realized, as I have with all things group fitness related lately, I don't have anyone close there. I have a few people I'm friendly with but nobody that says "hey let's go get coffee or a beer sometime". I've been running alone again and it's fine. It's just some days, I REALLY miss having a partner in crime for my long runs. It's nice to have someone to chat with when you are flagging. Makes the miles tick by a little faster.  Crossfit has kind of lost it's luster for the same reasons. I'm not part of the community there. I show up, try to chat and just feel like the
unpopular kid at the school dance. Maybe it's my own social awkwardness? Maybe I'm just a negative asshole that puts people off? Maybe it's because I haven't been working out there for a long time? Maybe it's because they don't see me as a real/dedicated athlete?  I don't know. I just don't have a lot of energy to put towards it any more. I miss working out hard but I don't feel like I give much of anything my all. I was hoping taking a few days off might help but it's just made me feel less motivated than before. I don't feel very inspired or inspiring right now. That's hard. I've spent years focusing on fitness and I feel pretty lost without my mojo.

My eating has been shit. I feel like shit. I look dumpy and flabby. I've taken such a big step back from heavy lifting and I think my body is telling me it's not happy. I need to figure out what my goals are and what I need to do to attain them so I can make a realistic plan of attack. I'm feeling fried, frazzled and down in general right now. I'm tired of looking at all these amazing athletes and perfectly chiseled bodies on various media outlets. I need to stop comparing myself to these people. It's not healthy and it's not helpful.

So, that's where I'm at right now. Just thought you might like to know.

Mountain House Feral Cat Rescue Success Story

In  October 2014 we lost our beloved old man Sedrick. The blow to our family was
devastating to say the least. Jackie and Annie at MHFCR kept telling me that they had a
cat who I HAD to meet. His name was Mator. I kept saying no until finally, one day, I decided to
meet this cat in person. Wasn't long before he came home with us. 10 minutes in the house and
he was crashed out asleep on my chest purring like a motor boat. He's such a love bug. We now call him  Mater or Moopey the Moose.

Then in 2015 (right before we moved to WA) I was over visiting Jackie and she had 2
baby sisters who were feral as could be. The first time I walked into the nursery they hissed at me
like crazy. I fell in love with one of them and fought falling in love with the other though I appreciated her spunk! My family came with me to meet my girl (who we named Bella Notte) and OF COURSE hubby came downstairs the next day demanding that we bring her sister home too! We named her Marietta.

The first time Mater met the girls he tried to intimidate them. Etta (all 1.5 pounds of her at the time) stood up Halloween kitty style, promptly crab walked all the way across the upstairs at him and intimidated HIM right into the guest room! These two are totally and completely inseparable now! It's the sweetest thing on the planet. We call the trio "The Pride". :)

All 3 of the kitties we adopted from MHFCR have brought joy, love, healing and happiness into our lives and we can't thank you all enough for being the "kitty pushers" that you are. ;)

Whole 30 Day 25

25 days in and feeling good. Pretty sure I haven't lost a pound but that's not my main focus. I just wanted to change my relationship with food.

I FEEL better emotionally and physically. My pants are fitting again finally. Please excuse my Mommy Pooch in the next photo. It's the part of my body that NEVER gets smaller..not even when I was 108 lbs! These jeans were uncomfortably snug when I started this round of Whole 30. I've also seen some nice back muscle progression but I'm not sharing that photo here. ;)

I don't crave sugary junk anymore. That's been pretty awesome! I even got the wine shipment in from my fave winery in CA...not tempted a bit.

Crossfit has been going pretty well. I'm committed to lower weights/better form! I ran last weekend with ZERO pain! So stoked to get back to running again!  Also been participating in a rowing challenge. That's been interesting. I'm not dead last in the masters division so that's awesome! ;) Told hubby I'd like to invest in a home rower someday when finances allow. I look forward to finding my zen spot on long row's like yesterday's 7500 meters. Ugh!

Been eating lots of amazing local, seasonal foods (and some not so local). I'm totally in love with Olykraut...like kind of obsessed with it. I always hated kraut growing up. My Grandma would cook it and I'd flee the house from the fart smells as it was cooking! We've also tried a bunch of new to us Winter veggies. Most of them I'm totally in love with! It's been really fun experimenting. I like to hit up Wobbly Cart at the Oly Farmer's Market on Saturdays. They have this awesome $20 market special. Basically you fork over $20 and they give you a bunch of delish, organic, in season produce. You don't get to choose what you want so it definitely challenges me to find new recipes.

Food porn pics below!

Til next time!

Whole 30 Update

On day 18 of our extended Whole 30. Feeling REALLY good. My energy is through the roof (though my strength is still off but I think that's more from the break I took), I have zero sugar cravings and I'm feeling MUCH less stressed/depressed than I was. My belly isn't bloated anymore and pants are fitting straight out the dryer! Whoooo!

I'm really taking this time to think about my relationship with food. In past Whole 30 rounds I've subbed dates and dried fruit (still very sugary) for junky treats to scratch the itch so to speak. This time I've been much more strict. I've had an RX bar a couple of times only as an emergency snack and yesterday I had a few handfuls of Go Raw lemon "cookies". I thought about WHY I was eating those SWYPO cookies yesterday and decided not to buy them anymore. I wasn't hungry, I just wanted something treat like.  

I never realized what an emotional eater I am. Feeling sad? Grab a snack! Feeling happy? Celebrate with a snack! Feeling tired? Grab a snack. Gym or race PR? Grab a snack!  Instead of evaluating and figuring out WHY I was feeling the way I was, I'd have something to eat. Even if it was something small...it was still a habit I had. Now I ask myself "are you REALLY hungry?" If I am, I eat. If I'm not, I skip it! I still don't have an issue making banana and egg pancakes occasionally but I'm not making "technically" compliant treats because I'll eat them just to eat them.

I've noticed that with all the good food I've been eating I've not been anywhere near as hangry as before! Normally I wake up gnawing my arm off. The past several days I've not been hungry until a couple of hours have passed by. Same with post workout...I'm just not starving like I'd normally be. I guess all that good fuel is getting put to good use by my body! I'm digging the way I'm feeling.

My plan is to do a SLOW reintroduction. I'll start with red wine on Valentine's day. Several days later I'll try dairy...then grains..so on and so forth. I'll really evaluate how each thing impacts my body so I can decide if its worth keeping around. I plan to continue eating this way most of the time with occasion treats. I know it's not for everyone. I get that. I just FEEL better and that's what matters to me. I'm about to step up my running again (you guys, I'm SO excited..I can't even begin to explain) so I'll need to adjust my food as needed. I'll have to play around with

that once I get started.

Obligatory food porn pic--

Tapping Out

I appreciate the sentiment behind the above motivational picture, I truly do. Today, however, I decided to be a quitter. When I first started crossfit a few months ago I had the goal to do it competitively. I, naively, went into it thinking it would be like running where it just "clicked" and poof I was an athlete. I registered for my first competition which is on January 30th. Well, fast forward to today. I realized that I'm not ready, in any capacity . I still can't snatch or overhead squat worth a shit and the list goes on and on and on. My body is not ready. My mind is not ready and frankly, my heart isn't in it. I've just stressed myself out trying to figure out how to make it all happen in next to no time flat. I didn't think about or understand that most of the folks competing have been working at crossfit for years.

My teammate is cool. Fortunately someone far more prepared is able to step up and take my place. I'm happy about that. My hubby is nothing but supportive. He even praised me for making the RIGHT choice. We all know my tendency to be willful and to get injured trying to do something I'm not capable of doing. My awesome friend who is also a crossfit coach pretty much had the same reaction as hubby. She reminded me that there's no rush. This isn't the only competition in the world. I have time to focus on competing if at some point in the future it's what I want to do. I'm not going anywhere and neither is crossfit.

Right now I'm pondering this-- Am I teaching my son it's ok to give up? Or am I teaching him that being smart about what you decide to ask your body to do is the best choice? I don't know. Part of me knows this is the best choice, the other part...the competitor part....is telling me I'm a no good cry baby and that I don't deserve for anyone to take me seriously. Why should they? I'm just a middle aged Mom who can't follow through with things she commits to. I know. That part of me is MEAN and says awful things. But, I'm being real here.

So, I sit at my laptop, putting it out here for you all. Not really seeking answers, ridicule or praise. Just putting it out here for all to see. Today I chose to be a quitter. I hope that I'll be stronger and better for it in the end.