The Art of Letting Go

I'm learning the art of letting things go that don't work for me. Crazy training schedules, restrictive ways of eating, trying to create a space for myself in communities where I don't fit in....I'm tired of it all. I'm stressed, feeling down and realizing how much effort I've put into things that simply aren't working for me.

Decided to deactivate my facebook account and Instagram accounts for a  little while several days ago. Realized I can't deactivate facebook til I switch over my Spotify account as it's synched to FB. I haven't been on there much and have hardly posted. Same with IG. I thought it was a fun way to keep up with friends near and far. I've realized that my definition of friendship needs to be re-defined. How many social media "friends" are friends in real life? Is there an honest connection there or just some bond made by common interests online? My in real life friends know how to get in touch with me outside of facebook and a couple have. Thanks for that you guys!

Regarding training...I'm still half marathon training though I've come to a screeching halt the past few days. Took 2 mental health days to get out, walk and enjoy life a little then got a raging sinus infection which is currently kicking my ass. I'm hoping I wake up tomorrow feeling better so I can get my long run for the week in. I was all excited about the running group that started up at my box and I was jazzed to attend. Then I realized, as I have with all things group fitness related lately, I don't have anyone close there. I have a few people I'm friendly with but nobody that says "hey let's go get coffee or a beer sometime". I've been running alone again and it's fine. It's just some days, I REALLY miss having a partner in crime for my long runs. It's nice to have someone to chat with when you are flagging. Makes the miles tick by a little faster.  Crossfit has kind of lost it's luster for the same reasons. I'm not part of the community there. I show up, try to chat and just feel like the
unpopular kid at the school dance. Maybe it's my own social awkwardness? Maybe I'm just a negative asshole that puts people off? Maybe it's because I haven't been working out there for a long time? Maybe it's because they don't see me as a real/dedicated athlete?  I don't know. I just don't have a lot of energy to put towards it any more. I miss working out hard but I don't feel like I give much of anything my all. I was hoping taking a few days off might help but it's just made me feel less motivated than before. I don't feel very inspired or inspiring right now. That's hard. I've spent years focusing on fitness and I feel pretty lost without my mojo.

My eating has been shit. I feel like shit. I look dumpy and flabby. I've taken such a big step back from heavy lifting and I think my body is telling me it's not happy. I need to figure out what my goals are and what I need to do to attain them so I can make a realistic plan of attack. I'm feeling fried, frazzled and down in general right now. I'm tired of looking at all these amazing athletes and perfectly chiseled bodies on various media outlets. I need to stop comparing myself to these people. It's not healthy and it's not helpful.

So, that's where I'm at right now. Just thought you might like to know.