Sugar...Why You Make Me So Crazy?

Howdy everyone. Long time no blog. My thoughts have been a swirly, twirling, jumbled up mess and I FINALLY have a little clarity so I figured now is the time to write it all down.

For those who don't know, I got taken down and out with Adrenal Fatigue. So severe that I couldn't even walk my son to school and back. I went from a deadlift PR and running 8 miles without thinking about it to being flat on my ass in a matter of a couple weeks. I'm still working on healing my body. It's been a long process. I've cried out of pure frustration SO many times the past few months. It's been a serious rollercoaster to say the least.

Essentially my body can't do stress. We all know how much stress comes in on a daily basis...stress from life, stress from emotions, stress from hard workouts (I'm limited to gentle yoga and walking right now...anything more wipes me out for a few days) and stress from eating poorly. I've been working with nutritional therapists to get my health back. I found out I have sugar handling issues and some digestive system issues as well. Holiday season is a ROUGH time for those, let me tell ya!

Truthfully, I've not being doing a stellar job of following my food protocol. My new NT wanted me to address the emotional ties I have with food especially treats. I was to the point where I was starting to binge. One cookie turned into 6 which turned into a "screw it,eat all the crap day" which turned into a "screw it weekend".  So taking the "good" and "bad" label away from foods seemed to be a fine place to start. I was putting way too much stress on myself (remember what I JUST said about stress being bad?) worrying about how  food will impact my blood sugar/health. She told me "if you want to eat the cookie, eat the damn cookie...without the guilt and the shame you've attached to it". She didn't want to me to go restrictive on food like doing a Whole 30....She didn't want the trigger foods to be "off limits". I loved the idea and she even gave me a supplement to help keep my blood sugar more stable for when I eat a carb filled meal/treat. So far it's worked pretty well. I'm STILL having issues with eating ONE DAMN COOKIE though....which brings me to the real purpose of this wordy blog post...

When you see this pan of homemade cookies, what is your initial reaction?

Are you the person who will eat a cookie or three and be done? Or are you the person who will eat several then keep eating them every time you walk past them in the kitchen even though you are not one bit hungry? Are you like "meh whatever" about sugar? Or is it your vice like it is mine? I can't seem to NOT eat the sugar stuff when it's in my house...even with the new thought process about nothing being "bad" foods. I can't NOT binge on the damn cookies and treats. My saving grace before was that I worked out all the time so I could eat the treats without seeing too much impact. Now, not so much. We won't talk about how quickly the pounds are adding on my petite frame.

I FEEL like crap...I look like crap...but the way I feel is SO much more important. I know the scale does not define what kind of person I am but, I worked hard to get healthy....I don't want to continue down the path I'm on! I know health isn't' about my pants size BUT I also know that visceral fat (belly fat) is the bad stuff. When I see that starting to build up, I know I need to make some changes.  But how to do that without restricting?

Sugar is bad for adrenal issues..drinking and processed foods are also terrible. I know that my NT didn't want me to do a Whole 30 type deal BUT I think for me personally, I need a game plan. I feel like saying "I'm doing a Whole 30" gives me willpower I don't, for whatever reason, seem to have otherwise at the moment. I sat down and chatted with hubby about it the other night. I'm going to enjoy my holiday weekend with my guys but I think come next week, I'm ready to get pretty serious on my health.

I really want to get my energy back. No amount of supplements or stress reducing yoga/journaling/walking/mindset change is going to help me if my diet is full of things that do harm to my body. I know it won't ALWAYS be this way. And I know once in a while I'll go grab a beer with a friend or have a treat with my guys and I'll enjoy the heck out of it because it'll be a ONCE in a while thing. I don't want my relationship with food to be an all or nothing kind of deal. Trust me. I hate that way of doing things BUT I'm feeling pretty powerless on making changes otherwise. I start the week with the best of intentions....this week I will have a treat or two and that's it. This week I will drink one time...etc. Then life takes over. I try not to "reward" myself with food. I'm not a puppy. Its just really hard to say "one and done".

I feel like I'm babbling at this point so thanks for still reading if you are. If you've deal with similar issues, I'd LOVE your replies, wisdom, advice, rants etc. I'm feeling really uncertain over what the best course of action for me is. I just really want to FEEL better in my body, in my skin, in my mind and in my life. I have an appt with my NT next week and I think we still have SO much to address.