FOOD PORN!!

Time for that food porn post I promised.  

I now have access to farmer's markets 6 days a week. I've walked through all of them with my heart and baskets full. :) I need to get a job to support my new habit! The kid has accompanied me to a bunch of them and has loved it too! 

I also found THE most amazing spice shop called Buck's! The lady who runs it is super cool and she ships all over the world. I felt like I was walking into a shop from Harry Potter. I almost piddled on her floor in excitement! Check out her site for more info  http://culinaryexotica.com/

Yesterday we took a 15 minute drive to go purchase eggs from a local farm. The chickens ran right up to us to say hello when we arrived. Thirteen Cedars Farm also raises lamb to sell for meat. We met the lambs that will provide meat for our table come winter. They are treated VERY well and they don't even leave the farm for "processing". 

http://localhens.com/farms/profile/thirteen-cedars-farm/

Same with my chicken ladies from G and H Farms. I'll be going to visit them at some point but they are a bit farther out. The difference in the meat from grocery store meat is VERY noticeable!
http://gandhpasturedpoultry.com/

Several amazing local bakeries too...no crap added. Loving the baked stuff a little too much based on the way my pants are fitting. 

http://8armsbakery.com/

http://www.blueheronbakery.com/

http://sfsbakery.com/

Now for the food---all this has been made/consumed within the last 3 weeks. :) Lots of fish from the Olympia Seafood Company and almost all local produce. 

We've dine out a lot more than usual too. Here a just a few pics of the tasty things we've bought/eaten. 

Tugboat Annie's 

Twister Donuts

Two Sisters Tea Room

Darby's 

Lots of good vino consumed too. I've branched out into whites twice and found two not too terrible ones that are WA made. Lots of Ruby Hill reds consumed too.

Annnnnnndddd a few obligatory scenery pics because I'm so freaking in love with where I live! :) 

There's No Place Like Home

Well...we moved to WA and it feels damn good to be here. I've gotten emotional at least 4 times while exploring our new hometown. It's gorgeous, there's a HUGE slow foods movement, lots of quirky people/shops and I truly love it. Our kid has met a couple of neighborhood buddies that he gets to play with almost daily. My heart feels happy and full. :) I miss my amazing peeps back in CA very much but I know I'll stay friends with them and several are planning to come visit soon.

Since this is a fitness blog mostly, ya'll know I'm headed towards something fitness related right? I took almost 2 weeks off (lifted once, ran 3 times) and I'm trying to get back into the game. This week I lifted Monday and Tuesday.  It's been tough. I've not been sleeping well since we moved (it's light like almost 915 pm for frack's sake!!) and I've been eating like an asshole (my friend Knapp coined
that phrase and I like it so I'm using it). I attempted the whole IIFYM approach and was trying to consume 1700 cals a day while burning upwards of 2200-2700 on high activity days. Waking up and 530 am and unpacking my house til I dropped at night, not sleeping and underfueling....yeah...that's smart. No wonder I lost my mojo. My runs have been slow, my lifts as week as can be. I've cried over how uncomfortable I've felt in the new gym and in my own skin. Two of my new neighbors are awesome fantastically fit ladies and of course I'm comparing myself to them and everyone else around me...tearing myself apart daily. Nothing fits, my poor belly is massive and I just feel like shit on a cracker in general.  I feel like I "don't look like I lift" or like I'm a fitness lover. I feel like I'm out of shape and doughy.YUCK! You can tell me it's silly, you can compliment me all day long....it won't be taken to heart. I have a ton of work to do on my inside before I'll every appreciate the hard work I've put into the outside. **sigh** I'll get there. It's time to mentally reset for sure.

Been thinking a LOT about my goals and what I want. Truly, as always, I want to love myself as I am and appreciate how far I've come. I think I need to take a step back from focusing on specific physique goals like bigger guns or leaning out. I want to workout because I LOVE to workout. I want to focus on being a better athlete all around while enjoying life with my family. Today I slept in and didn't run but I DID go for a 22.9 mile bike ride with my hubby. It was glorious. I'd like to give myself some flexibility in my training so I can actually ENJOY what I'm doing instead of being such a hard-ass about it. I have a 4 day a week lifting routine I'm going to follow for a while just so I have a game plan. I'll run at least one day a week and bike as much as I can. I can't get over how bike friendly Olympia is! :) I want to get back to making fitness part of my daily routine. I need it...it's my xanax and it's cheaper than therapy.

That's the long and short of where I'm at right now both physically and mentally. Expect a food porn and scenery pic to come soon! :)

My Adventures Into IIFYM 4/10/15

Just posted about going back to IIFYM approach of eating. Pretty happy actually. Feels less stressful already.

So far my days have looked like this -- with the occasion chocolate treat not photographed but totally tracked on MFP.

My cals have been averaging between 1600 and 1900 a day not counting what I'm burning at my training sessions...I have those accounted for in the 2200 I'm SUPPOSED to be eating....With all the protein, I've had a tough time hitting my calories and I haven't really felt like adding in big treats just yet. I felt pretty run down at yesterday's training session then yesterday I was hungry all day so I hit closer to that 1900 and had a way better session this morning. Calories in VERY much matter when you are trying to push your body 4-5 days a week in the gym! Started my week off (on Monday at 127.2...last I checked (on Wednesday) I was at 124.2...body is shedding a little bloat. Not sure where I'm at right now. I'll weigh in again on Sunday I think. Once a week is good enough for me. I'm not trying to lose weight anyway...just body fat. ;) 

Just a little update for today. More later. 

The Dirty on Clean Eating and Paleo

Been thinking a lot about this whole "clean" eating thing and Paleo thing...I have been following this way of life for over a year now and know what? I got fatter. Yep...visibly fatter on my belly. Photographic evidence has been taken. No, I'm NOT sharing it here. See my recent post on the Joy Thief and you'll have your proof.

I am officially a clean eating/Paleo flunky. I admit it and I think I'm good with saying goodbye to both. I know where I went wrong with Paleo...more on that if you really need to hear it. I want to incorporate all foods back into my diet with treats etc in moderation. I like the "if it fits your macros" aka IIFYM approach to living. As long as you make good choices and fill your day with healthy fuel, it's ok to have a treat if you are REALLY craving one. SO many people stress out about clean eating vs not clean eating. It's just not worth it to me anymore.  Does this mean I'm going to eat fast food? Hell no, that's funky shit (unless it's In N Out, then we'll talk). It means I'm still going to make good choices based on my particular goals. It also means I can actually relax and enjoy all the tasty foods at parties instead of sadly staring at the dishes on the table while eating the three "safe" foods I scoped out. It means I can relax again and plan things that I enjoy into my diet. I love the idea!

I also have realized that I TOTALLY made myself intolerant to gluten by cutting it out of my diet when I went Paleo. As you know, I've been adding it back in. I had REAL pizza yesterday with no ill effect. No foods make me sick (except corn..still dealing with that whole mouth rash thing..I'm working on it to see if that's a self made intolerance too) so why should I cut them out! Doesn't mean I'm going to eat gluten filled things daily, just means I can go enjoy a meal out with my family with no worry of pain afterwards! I also had two Hershey's minis. I'm sad to say they were not very tasty to me anymore. I'm spoiled on eating GOOD chocolate. That's cool though. Further proof that all treats are not created equal! ;)

I've gone back to tracking on MFP and with help from some awesome peeps (L I'm talking to you especially for getting my TDEE), I've set my caloric range at a hopefully suitable level for my personal goals. I am feeling good about seeing some changes. Not thrilled at adding cardio back in at least  twice a week (one HIIT and one run) BUT I know it's necessary to do what I want to do. I also know I'll learn to love it again once I get into it.

I know IIFYM isn't for everyone. If you struggle with moderation and can't keep from eating a whole pizza instead of one or two slices then , no, it's not for you. If you are far along enough in your journey to have willpower or to not even want treat food often, then it's an awesome fit. I lost all my weight by eating whatever I wanted as long as it fit into my daily calorie/macro goals. So, back to the grind. I had my body fat testing done a couple of months ago...I'll see what happens in another couple of months with this way of doing things. :)

I am not by any means bashing clean eating or Paleo, by the way. Both have taught me tons about healthy eating and both have helped me become an outstanding chef (patting self on back). I just also have learned that it's too easy to sway too far in either direction. Just because that cookie butter is "clean" does NOT mean you should eat a whole jar in two days! Calories ARE calories no matter how you go about it. I know lots of people who these "diets" work for. I'm just not one of them anymore.

In health and happiness!
Me

Joy Thief

Comparison is the thief of joy my friends. It's really truly is. I compare myself to others all the time. I even compare myself to myself! Happened this morning actually. Hubby and I ran a 5k this past weekend. I ran it to support him and it was fun. Got the pics in this morning. Saw this one--

My first thought was "what an awesome pic"! My second thought was "I look so happy". THEN...the third thought was "holy shit. Look at how fucking HUGE my middle looks!!" Let's not forget the huge dinner out Saturday night too..we threw down.  I've really been dealing with some stress gain. We decided to move to WA, buy a house and completely change our lives! All this within a couple of months. I've been stress eating (sugary crap) and drinking way more than usual. It's packed it on in my trouble zone. I know it. I hate it. I'm embarrassed to be out in public.  Got all dolled up for my date night Saturday night and was on the verge of tears all night. I felt SO gross. All I could see/feel was my stomach. :( I've resorted to walking around in yoga pants and hubby's shirts.

I look back at pics like this one from 2013 when I was really skinny and I'm upset with myself. Angry that I let myself "get this way".

But why? Get what way? Stronger? Less obsessive about food?  Was being super skinny something so special? I was small yes. 110 lbs I think?  I was fast yes (I'm still fast when I train to be) but I was weak. I was run down from all the cardio. I tracked every single calorie that went into my mouth obsessively for TWO years. I learned a lot but it was exhausting. I still had extra flab? I still wouldn't be caught dead in a bikini!

Been thinking alot about dietary stuff and how impacts the boy. Know what's funny? I ate what I wanted (in moderation of course) when I was smaller. No off limit foods...I had wine once a week with hubby. I had nutella and pretzel thins. I wasn't into "clean eating". Just less crap and making good choices. I didn't over do it because I allowed myself those treats without overdoing them. Interesting. 

So, Sunday after the race hubby and I went to town on some donuts. I haven't had donuts in like 1.5 years at least. I didn't crap myself or die. Pretty excited about that. They were tasty as hell too! Been working on adding gluten back into my diet. Pretty sure I MADE myself intolerant to it by cutting it out when I went Paleo. I'm not diving head first into a bread basket but it's cool to know I can eat it without pain now!  

Know what happened Monday morning? 

Boom....deadlift PR. Been trying to hit 200 pounds on my pulls and I FINALLY did it...3 times 1 rep each. Know what else happened? 

Yesterday I hit 300 lb leg presses for 10 reps. I'm good with that. I feel accomplished and strong. (Let's be honest I'd REALLY like some obvious guns. I find that to be the most frustrating part to train right now. I think my form is shit and I need help but my awesome trainer moved and personal training is $$$$$!!!! ) That's another story-- anyway--

I just read an article here that really made me think hard about my goals..I loved it. I want to live this way-- I want to FEEL this way about myself. 

http://coconutsandkettlebells.com/dont-want-six-pack-abs/

I KNOW the amount of stomach fat has nothing to do with what kind of person I am blah blah blah. But this article is about fitness and body stuff so that's why I'm focusing on it. I guess I have no real rhyme or reason for this entry. I just needed to get out the way I'm feeling. And I needed to say to myself and anyone else struggling-- 

DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANYONE ELSE (even your old self)! Comparison IS the thief of joy my friends. Embrace the now in your journey. You have this moment... this very moment  only once in your lifetime. Do amazing shit with it no matter if you are at a high or low point in your life. 

The Dirty Truth

I've been in a funk friends. Down and out. Been full of self doubt, having anxiety attacks for no reason and just generally unhappy. In the beginning I thought it was related to my body image issues. I'm training hard, eating well (maybe too well) but feel like I'm getting fatter. I feel disgusting.  It's frustrating. I want to live like a happy, fit lady who doesn't have to follow some restrictive diet to look good. I guess that's too much to ask. Anyway, that's another rant.

In the past few days I've sunken deeper into the tar pit of sadness. I cry for no reason,  have zero energy and don't even want to be around anyone as it feels like it takes too much effort to pretend I'm happy when I'm not. A light bulb came on last night. My old blue buddy depression has his hooks in me again. I've been down this road before as you guys know from my old blog post. I don't want this for myself. I don't want this for my family. I know some people don't understand what depression feels like and I try to be respectful of that when they are saying "just snap out of it"...guess what though. It doesn't work that way. I can't just turn some switch off and make it stop. I KNOW my life is good. I KNOW my family loves me. I KNOW I'm healthy and blessed. I fucking KNOW all of these things but they don't make the heavy weight sitting on my chest go away! Things are better in our lives than they have been in a long time...I just can't escape the vortex of sadness that keeps sucking me down.

I apologize to my friends who probably think I'm neglecting them. I'm not. I just have nothing to give you guys right now. I'm having a tough time keeping my head above water in my home life. My sadness has impacted my marriage. My husband is an amazing caring man but can you imagine how hopeless it must make him feel to know that there's nothing he can do to make me feel happy right now? It kills me to think my unhappiness is effecting him. I'm trying as hard as I can to shield Little Man from all this. He won't understand and he shouldn't have to.

I think it's time I stop trying to do this on my own and go speak with my dr about some antidepressants. There's no shame in knowing when you need help and in asking for it. I don't need feedback or pity from this post. I just needed to get this out before my chest explodes. Til next time...

Whole 30 Day 13

Day 13--Went to bed with an off feeling belly, chills and a mild headache. Woke up to the same
with some pretty decent bloat issues.Weird. Resting today.


Breakfast--3 ingredient crepes (arrowroot flour, coconut milk and 3 eggs) with superfoods spread and fruit. YUM!
Snack--Handful of dried mango.
Lunch--Chicken salad
Snack--Cara Cara Orange, peppermint tea, super "cookies"
Dinner--Acorn Squash stuffed with beef, fennel, carrots and shallots. YUM!

Whole 30 Day 12

Day 12--
Good sleep. Woke up with my sassy pants on. Hubby was like "Boy, you got some solid sleep huh?". LOL. Trained today. Not terrible. Chest day so that's never my strong point.

Breakfast--Bacon, egg, sauteed jicima with leftover grilled veggies, OJ, coffee and fruit.

Post workout snack--2 grilled chicken thighs
Lunch--Went to a crepe making party. Had almond butter and bananas, fresh fruit and a spinach salad with bacon and chicken. Wasn't tempted by my usual vices at all really. I passed up Nutella, flutternutter and sparkling wine from one of my fave wineries.
Snack--Zucchini muffin (no sweetener)

Dinner--Curry bison with greens and roasted veggies.