Unplugging

I've been battling a pretty good case of the blues the past couple of months. Nothing I can put my finger on. Just feeling generally stressed, anxious and not happy. I blogged about it but only shared it with a few friends. Link is here if you want to know where my head was at...it's pretty negative so, you've been warned....
http://mommymightymouse.blogspot.com/2016/03/the-art-of-letting-go.html



Made the decision to do something different for a while. I deactivated my facebook and my Instagram accounts last week. I needed some time unplugged. Wanted to focus on what makes ME happy, MY successes and real life friendships. My guys left for NC on Wednesday early and will be back on Tuesday night. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle being alone but so far, it's been REALLY good for me.



I've made beautiful meals for myself, complete with flowers!

I have spent time nurturing local friendships and it's been lovely. I met my friend L for lunch then went to my fave spice shop afterwards. I took a sunny walk with my friend J then had spicy hot chai in a lovely café. I went out for dinner and rowdy fun with my friend A (ohhhh my head). Feels good opening up to people who actively seek out my friendship. 

I spent an entire day alone and I survived. I more than survived actually. I THRIVED! I went to Nisqually Wildlife Refuge and spent hours strolling in the sunshine. I had a song in my heart and it showed. Have you ever been SO overwhelmed with joy and gratitude that your eyes well up for no reason? Yeah, happened to me like 4 times that day. After the refuge trip I took myself out for lunch then coffee and a treat! I need to enjoy my own company more often I think.

As far as training goes, I've relaxed my "I HAVE to do xyz today" approach. I have been waking up and asking myself "what do I FEEL like doing today to keep my body active and happy?" So far, that's working well. Yesterday I ran 10.3 miles...pain free. WHOOT! Feeling really positive about the half marathon in May! I think I can do it without getting hurt this time! YAY! I took a route I'd mapped out for myself online and it was gorgeous. Ran past the river then around the lake. I had a big smile on my face for most of the run!



Still trying to decide if I love crossfit or not. I don't care about "fitting in" anymore. I'm going to show up, be happy and do my best to grow as an athlete. I don't know if my not feeling the love is about my current state of mind or if it's more than that....I think the expectations I had about feeling like I was part of the community were unrealistic. I may look into bootcamp style classes or personal training (if I suddenly find a money tree blooming with $100 bills)  but I think I want to try giving crossfit a fair shake for at least the next month or two.

So, that's where I'm at and what I've been doing. Thanks to my friends who've texted and emailed to check on me. I'm not locked inside my house with 87 cats whom I've dressed in costumes. I'm alive, happy and healthier than I've been in a long time.

The Art of Letting Go

I'm learning the art of letting things go that don't work for me. Crazy training schedules, restrictive ways of eating, trying to create a space for myself in communities where I don't fit in....I'm tired of it all. I'm stressed, feeling down and realizing how much effort I've put into things that simply aren't working for me.

Decided to deactivate my facebook account and Instagram accounts for a  little while several days ago. Realized I can't deactivate facebook til I switch over my Spotify account as it's synched to FB. I haven't been on there much and have hardly posted. Same with IG. I thought it was a fun way to keep up with friends near and far. I've realized that my definition of friendship needs to be re-defined. How many social media "friends" are friends in real life? Is there an honest connection there or just some bond made by common interests online? My in real life friends know how to get in touch with me outside of facebook and a couple have. Thanks for that you guys!

Regarding training...I'm still half marathon training though I've come to a screeching halt the past few days. Took 2 mental health days to get out, walk and enjoy life a little then got a raging sinus infection which is currently kicking my ass. I'm hoping I wake up tomorrow feeling better so I can get my long run for the week in. I was all excited about the running group that started up at my box and I was jazzed to attend. Then I realized, as I have with all things group fitness related lately, I don't have anyone close there. I have a few people I'm friendly with but nobody that says "hey let's go get coffee or a beer sometime". I've been running alone again and it's fine. It's just some days, I REALLY miss having a partner in crime for my long runs. It's nice to have someone to chat with when you are flagging. Makes the miles tick by a little faster.  Crossfit has kind of lost it's luster for the same reasons. I'm not part of the community there. I show up, try to chat and just feel like the
unpopular kid at the school dance. Maybe it's my own social awkwardness? Maybe I'm just a negative asshole that puts people off? Maybe it's because I haven't been working out there for a long time? Maybe it's because they don't see me as a real/dedicated athlete?  I don't know. I just don't have a lot of energy to put towards it any more. I miss working out hard but I don't feel like I give much of anything my all. I was hoping taking a few days off might help but it's just made me feel less motivated than before. I don't feel very inspired or inspiring right now. That's hard. I've spent years focusing on fitness and I feel pretty lost without my mojo.

My eating has been shit. I feel like shit. I look dumpy and flabby. I've taken such a big step back from heavy lifting and I think my body is telling me it's not happy. I need to figure out what my goals are and what I need to do to attain them so I can make a realistic plan of attack. I'm feeling fried, frazzled and down in general right now. I'm tired of looking at all these amazing athletes and perfectly chiseled bodies on various media outlets. I need to stop comparing myself to these people. It's not healthy and it's not helpful.

So, that's where I'm at right now. Just thought you might like to know.