Tapping Out

I appreciate the sentiment behind the above motivational picture, I truly do. Today, however, I decided to be a quitter. When I first started crossfit a few months ago I had the goal to do it competitively. I, naively, went into it thinking it would be like running where it just "clicked" and poof I was an athlete. I registered for my first competition which is on January 30th. Well, fast forward to today. I realized that I'm not ready, in any capacity . I still can't snatch or overhead squat worth a shit and the list goes on and on and on. My body is not ready. My mind is not ready and frankly, my heart isn't in it. I've just stressed myself out trying to figure out how to make it all happen in next to no time flat. I didn't think about or understand that most of the folks competing have been working at crossfit for years.

My teammate is cool. Fortunately someone far more prepared is able to step up and take my place. I'm happy about that. My hubby is nothing but supportive. He even praised me for making the RIGHT choice. We all know my tendency to be willful and to get injured trying to do something I'm not capable of doing. My awesome friend who is also a crossfit coach pretty much had the same reaction as hubby. She reminded me that there's no rush. This isn't the only competition in the world. I have time to focus on competing if at some point in the future it's what I want to do. I'm not going anywhere and neither is crossfit.

Right now I'm pondering this-- Am I teaching my son it's ok to give up? Or am I teaching him that being smart about what you decide to ask your body to do is the best choice? I don't know. Part of me knows this is the best choice, the other part...the competitor part....is telling me I'm a no good cry baby and that I don't deserve for anyone to take me seriously. Why should they? I'm just a middle aged Mom who can't follow through with things she commits to. I know. That part of me is MEAN and says awful things. But, I'm being real here.

So, I sit at my laptop, putting it out here for you all. Not really seeking answers, ridicule or praise. Just putting it out here for all to see. Today I chose to be a quitter. I hope that I'll be stronger and better for it in the end.