11 Years Ago On This Date

Once upon a time there was The Girl. She lived with her family and attended school as kids often do. In her 8th grade homeroom there was The Boy who's last name began with "B". He was the last B in class. She was the first "C". She sat behind him and hid behind her skater bangs.

They were friendly as both were nice people, but were never really friends that year. Once they got into high school they talked about music and even had lunch at a Chinese restaurant together on some random occasion. The Boy went off to a nerd school and was gone from her life. Senior prom they ran into each other again and said "hi, hello, so good to see you!" Then went on about their lives. Years later, on a whim, The Girl found The Boy on classmates.com and sent him a note. They became email buddies on and off. One day, things changed and they started chatting on yahoo chat. Then they started talking on the phone. The Girl lived in TN, The Boy lived in CA. One day-- The Boy came to visit The Girl. They were clearly smitten from the get go.

The Girl went to visit The Boy a couple of times as well.

They were always sad to be apart. It didn't feel right. The last time The Girl visited The Boy he had a very special question for her. She said "YES!"

The Boy moved to TN to be with The Girl. They wanted to get married in NC at a very special place.

That ended up not working out so they decided to move the wedding to MS so everyone they loved could attend. On June 11th, 2005 The Girl kicked The Boy out of their hotel room and began a transformation of sorts.  

She put on a special dress. And she took a ride in a fancy car to The Maritime and Seafood Industry Museum. It was a lovely rainy day.

The Boy was there waiting for her at the end of the make- shift aisle.

There, in front of friends and family, they pledged to be respectful, kind and true to each other for as long as they both lived. They laughed. They smiled. They were full of joy.

Their friend prounounced them man and wife then they sealed the deal with a smooch!

They danced and celebrated the night away surrounded by those who loved them dearly!

Dear Boy, 

I know this life isn't always easy and the path we chose to take together isn't the smoothest but I'm damn glad to have you by my side! I love you dearly, completely and eternally. Happy 11 year anniversary. I look forward to seeing where we end up in another 11 years!

Love,

The Girl

Capital City Half Recap

Ohhhhhh CCM. How excited I was to run my first race in Oly! I trained hard and was doing well til everything went down with Pops. Training took a serious backseat! I decided this past Thursday to sign up and run it anyway. I knew I wouldn't touch my half PR time but that was ok. I just wanted to finish it sub 2 with a smile on my face.

Saturday I picked up my race packet. I was so nervous. Picking up my bib meant I was really gonna do it! Ran into a few people I knew. Walked up on a conversation that ended with "here she comes" which made me feel really uncomfortable. Old insecurity issues came rushing back. It kind of put a damper on the excitement I always feel at race bib pick up. Hubby reminded me that I have no way of knowing what that conversation as about. It could have been about my Dad passing. It could have been about me being a flaky weirdo. I dunno. In the scheme of things, I guess it's not important. Here's my obligatory race bib pick up photo!

I spent the day chilling with my guys. Went to bed early that night after laying out all my gear. I woke up nice and early Sunday morning. Had my mashed yams, kraut, fried egg and black cuppa coffee. Pooped 87 times (yay race belly) and hit the road. I LOVED that this race is like 10 minutes from my house! Yay on that. Got there, met up with a few friends, took a few pics, used the porta potty and it was time to line up. I knew there were VERY fast runners running in this race so I found the 1:45 pacers and got a nice distance behind them at the start line. The count down started and we were off.

The course was nice. I put my tunes on and just ran for the most part. I varied my pacing...figured as long as I could roll with under 9 minute miles, I'd be ok. I ran hard a few times and I reigned it in a few times. I became obvious pretty quickly for me that this indeed was NOT the race I'd set a new PR on. I chatted a few times with other runners but as always, it's hard for a runner who's going solo to make new runner friends during an actual race!

I drank water sparingly which was a big mistake on my part. I was scared of having bladder issues and didn't want to overdo it on the hydrating during my race. I got pretty tired about half way in. Felt like I was flagging pretty good. I ate some carb chews every mile or so but those weren't doing much of anything. I had a nice surge of energy on a downhill part which I used to make up for some lost time. I had a good clip going then nature called and I realized if I didn't use the next available bathroom, I'd regret it. I stopped to pee and honestly that was it...I bonked hard after that. I had periods where my legs felt like cement blocks. I thought about walking but reminded myself that I have NEVER walked in half and I wasn't starting now. I focused on putting one foot in front of the other.

I came up on another group of spectators and saw a sign with my name on it...I thought "hmmm...must be another Lisa running too" then I looked closer. It was my AMAZING friend Rochelle! She made a sign for me and was cheering me on. Boy, I need that. It put a little spring back in my stride.

Finally after what felt like 4 hours, I noticed we were nearing the finish line and that we were on a downhill again. Sadly, I didn't have enough juice to kick it all the way down but I did muster enough to get a good pace across the finish line. My guys were there screaming and cheering me on. I crossed the finish, got my medal, kissed my guys and THEN came the calf cramping. Holy ouch. My official time was 1:56:50. Not awful with the bathroom stop and bonk.

I made myself eat some post race pizza and a mini cupcake though I truly didn't want to eat. Stayed for a while to see a few peeps then headed home for a much needed shower. I got dressed and demanded to be taken out for lunch. We hit up a local brewery for post race carbs. Headed to the farmers market after and by that point I was dead on my feet.

Came home, took a 2 hour nap and work up with a headache from hell. I'm still not feeling right this morning so I know I truly bonked on yesterday's run. Today I'm resting, refueling and stretching. Tomrorow I'll go run again and see how I feel. :)


CCM pros--
Well run, awesome spectator participation, great post race food, awesome volunteers, pretty course, close to home, cool medals and swag

CCM cons--
Zero complaints!

The Last Month Plus

The last month plus has been a blur. I feel like I'm sort of coming of the fog and can finally start to try to process everything that's happened. I know most of you guys know what's been going on but I need to blog it anyway just to get it all out.

Sunday April 3rd started off awesome. The guys and I headed to Lake Cushman for a gorgeous hike. We spent the day in forest and had a great time. On the way out of town we decided to stop for a late lunch. My cell phone finally had reception again and I had a voicemail from my Uncle D come in. He told me to call him back asap and that my Dad was in the hospital. I called him and was told my Dad had gone in because he'd fallen like 6 times over just that weekend. He hurt his leg. During the course of the day and many test later, they found out one of his lungs had a giant mass covering it. I knew it was cancer before we found out for sure. Fast forward to that Thursday after lots of tears and worry over his health....we got the Stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis. It had spread to his liver AND spine. I had just booked my flight to come home that next day and surprise my Dad. The doctor gave him 3-5 months of life left.

I flew home that Friday and spent the next almost two weeks in MS. I won't go into all the drama and details over the crap we dealt with trying to get my Dad into a place where he'd be taken well care of because I just can't rehash that part right now. By the time my Dad was discharged from the hospital (that next Tuesday) the discharging doctor gave him 2-3 months of life left. Dad declined so fast...I watched it happen every single day I was there. It's a terrible thing when a man is laughing one second and sobbing in pain the next. The place they sent him to was AWFUL. Nursing homes are not the place for a man to die with dignity!

I came home for a week, got my kiddo and headed back down there. I needed my Dad to see my son and vice versa. We tried to have a little fun while we were there. My son ate beignets for the first time. We walked on the beach. We got gangster on desserts at a casino buffet and he got to have a little conversation with my Dad while he was still "with it" enough to chat.

I could not believe how much more Pop had gone down hill when I walked into his room at the nursing home after being gone for just a week. I managed to get him moved to a real in patient hospice facility that Monday. I was SO thankful we got him in there. Those people were amazing and my Dad was FINALLY being taken care of. His decline continued. He lost the ability to converse, he was fully bedbound and unable to attend to even his most basic of needs, he stopped eating, stopped drinking. My formerly large Dad shrank and shrank until his arms were the size of mine...I knew we didn't have a lot of time left. I wanted to be there with my Dad when he passed away so he'd know he wasn't alone. I waited, I agonized over when to go home. I extended our trip out. Finally friends AND hospice workers told me I needed to get my son home. That my Dad might last for a couple more weeks. They said they'd call me when I started showing signs of imminent death so I could get back down there. They also told me that he might be waiting on us to leave...he might need us to go. I decided that I'd give him that opportunity and so I booked our flights to come back home Saturday...the day before Mother's Day.

That Friday I sat at my Dad's beside and held his hand. I watched him. I cried. I prayed to whomever might be listening that his suffering would be over soon. I talked to him. I told him all the things I needed him to know. I told him I was leaving but that I'd come back to be with him if he wanted that. I also told him if he was ready to go then not to hold on. I told him I will be ok. Coop will be ok. All his business had been handled. I KNEW that evening when I left that was the last time I'd see my Dad. I can't really put into words the way I felt....the way I still feel....

The kid and I arrived home safely. We spent Saturday evening and all day Sunday trying to get back to "normal". On Monday May 9th we got up and had breakfast. We just finished eating when my phone rang. It was 7:13 am. I saw it was hospice calling and I felt like I'd been punched in my stomach. They called to tell me that my Dad passed away peacefully in his sleep. He basically just stopped breathing. My Mom had called to check on him 1.5 hours before and he was holding steady. I guess my Pop decided he'd go out quietly and privately...with nobody around. He didn't need anyone to hold his hand. If you knew him, you'd understand this totally fit his style. " I do it my way and nobody else's" was def his method. He passed away one month and 2 days after his terminal diagnosis. I wish I'd know just how little time we had....

My Dad was cremated. His ashes are waiting on me to pick them up. I'm going back to MS with my guys next month. We will be hosting and Blues and BBQ memorial in his honor. We'll be driving back up to WA. Dad asked me to scatter him in the Cascades so we will be taking one final, legit road trip together. I fought like hell to get my Dad out to WA to be with us. I'm sad I couldn't pull it off while he was alive but I've learned from all this that some things are out of our hands. That was a tough lesson for a control freak like me. That's all I've got for now. More later today regarding life after a loved one's passing.

Unplugging

I've been battling a pretty good case of the blues the past couple of months. Nothing I can put my finger on. Just feeling generally stressed, anxious and not happy. I blogged about it but only shared it with a few friends. Link is here if you want to know where my head was at...it's pretty negative so, you've been warned....
http://mommymightymouse.blogspot.com/2016/03/the-art-of-letting-go.html



Made the decision to do something different for a while. I deactivated my facebook and my Instagram accounts last week. I needed some time unplugged. Wanted to focus on what makes ME happy, MY successes and real life friendships. My guys left for NC on Wednesday early and will be back on Tuesday night. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle being alone but so far, it's been REALLY good for me.



I've made beautiful meals for myself, complete with flowers!

I have spent time nurturing local friendships and it's been lovely. I met my friend L for lunch then went to my fave spice shop afterwards. I took a sunny walk with my friend J then had spicy hot chai in a lovely café. I went out for dinner and rowdy fun with my friend A (ohhhh my head). Feels good opening up to people who actively seek out my friendship. 

I spent an entire day alone and I survived. I more than survived actually. I THRIVED! I went to Nisqually Wildlife Refuge and spent hours strolling in the sunshine. I had a song in my heart and it showed. Have you ever been SO overwhelmed with joy and gratitude that your eyes well up for no reason? Yeah, happened to me like 4 times that day. After the refuge trip I took myself out for lunch then coffee and a treat! I need to enjoy my own company more often I think.

As far as training goes, I've relaxed my "I HAVE to do xyz today" approach. I have been waking up and asking myself "what do I FEEL like doing today to keep my body active and happy?" So far, that's working well. Yesterday I ran 10.3 miles...pain free. WHOOT! Feeling really positive about the half marathon in May! I think I can do it without getting hurt this time! YAY! I took a route I'd mapped out for myself online and it was gorgeous. Ran past the river then around the lake. I had a big smile on my face for most of the run!



Still trying to decide if I love crossfit or not. I don't care about "fitting in" anymore. I'm going to show up, be happy and do my best to grow as an athlete. I don't know if my not feeling the love is about my current state of mind or if it's more than that....I think the expectations I had about feeling like I was part of the community were unrealistic. I may look into bootcamp style classes or personal training (if I suddenly find a money tree blooming with $100 bills)  but I think I want to try giving crossfit a fair shake for at least the next month or two.

So, that's where I'm at and what I've been doing. Thanks to my friends who've texted and emailed to check on me. I'm not locked inside my house with 87 cats whom I've dressed in costumes. I'm alive, happy and healthier than I've been in a long time.

The Art of Letting Go

I'm learning the art of letting things go that don't work for me. Crazy training schedules, restrictive ways of eating, trying to create a space for myself in communities where I don't fit in....I'm tired of it all. I'm stressed, feeling down and realizing how much effort I've put into things that simply aren't working for me.

Decided to deactivate my facebook account and Instagram accounts for a  little while several days ago. Realized I can't deactivate facebook til I switch over my Spotify account as it's synched to FB. I haven't been on there much and have hardly posted. Same with IG. I thought it was a fun way to keep up with friends near and far. I've realized that my definition of friendship needs to be re-defined. How many social media "friends" are friends in real life? Is there an honest connection there or just some bond made by common interests online? My in real life friends know how to get in touch with me outside of facebook and a couple have. Thanks for that you guys!

Regarding training...I'm still half marathon training though I've come to a screeching halt the past few days. Took 2 mental health days to get out, walk and enjoy life a little then got a raging sinus infection which is currently kicking my ass. I'm hoping I wake up tomorrow feeling better so I can get my long run for the week in. I was all excited about the running group that started up at my box and I was jazzed to attend. Then I realized, as I have with all things group fitness related lately, I don't have anyone close there. I have a few people I'm friendly with but nobody that says "hey let's go get coffee or a beer sometime". I've been running alone again and it's fine. It's just some days, I REALLY miss having a partner in crime for my long runs. It's nice to have someone to chat with when you are flagging. Makes the miles tick by a little faster.  Crossfit has kind of lost it's luster for the same reasons. I'm not part of the community there. I show up, try to chat and just feel like the
unpopular kid at the school dance. Maybe it's my own social awkwardness? Maybe I'm just a negative asshole that puts people off? Maybe it's because I haven't been working out there for a long time? Maybe it's because they don't see me as a real/dedicated athlete?  I don't know. I just don't have a lot of energy to put towards it any more. I miss working out hard but I don't feel like I give much of anything my all. I was hoping taking a few days off might help but it's just made me feel less motivated than before. I don't feel very inspired or inspiring right now. That's hard. I've spent years focusing on fitness and I feel pretty lost without my mojo.

My eating has been shit. I feel like shit. I look dumpy and flabby. I've taken such a big step back from heavy lifting and I think my body is telling me it's not happy. I need to figure out what my goals are and what I need to do to attain them so I can make a realistic plan of attack. I'm feeling fried, frazzled and down in general right now. I'm tired of looking at all these amazing athletes and perfectly chiseled bodies on various media outlets. I need to stop comparing myself to these people. It's not healthy and it's not helpful.

So, that's where I'm at right now. Just thought you might like to know.