Whole 30 Round 687

Ok so it's NOT really round 687 but it ain't our first rodeo either. Been eating like shit and am feeling it. Strength is down, belly huge, mouth rash in full effect and I'm done. Decided that we need to go hardcore on a Whole 30 round to get it under control for realz!

Day 1--

Breakfast--Woke up early to eat before I went to lift with my friend. Had an egg cooked in bacon fat, 3 pieces of US Wellness bacon, some power greens and coffee with 1 tsp of organic coconut oil blended in. No photo because it wasn't pretty.

Training--Today was heavy back squats and push presses. I felt totally weak and utterly worn down. This is from eating poorly and drinking like it's been my job so I'm not too freaked out.

Post Workout--I had a leftover grilled chicken thigh on my way out the door to spend too much money at Trader Joe's.

Lunch--Tossed leftover sliced thighs with leftover grilled green beans and compliant pesto. Served along side a big salad. Also have a handful of strawberries.

I cut up some pineapple and had several pieces.

Dinner-- Meatza with tons of veggies and WAY too much watermelon. Major stomach cramping and gas afterwards. I hit an Epsom salt bath and totally crashed out while I was soaking. Went to bed early!

Day 2--
Hubby woke up with awful stomach pain. It subsided by mid day thankfully.

Breakfast-- Mashed up a banana with 2 eggs then scrambled it all up in ghee. Split that between hubby and myself then we topped it with almond butter, cashews, coconut and fresh berries. Had coconut oil coffee as usual.

Rest day today...

Got hit with a nasty headache and hunger by 11:22!

Lunch-- Cashew Chicken, cauliflower rice, greens and pineapple for lunch.

By 1:30 I was crashing and ravenous again. Grabbed a handful of macadama nuts and dried mango to tide me over.

Dinner-- Elk Burgers, big salad, grilled broccoli, plantain chips, guac and spicy salsa. Had a few chunks of pineapple afterwards.

Day 3--
Woke up with a very nasty headache. Hung out with my coconut oil coffee and a book til around 9am.

Breakfast--Smoked salmon frittata, Tj's mixed veggies sautéed in ghee, orange slices and curry kraut

Hit front squats and a 12 minute HIIT workout with my friend. Felt pretty good.

Lunch/post workout-- Thighs sliced and tossed with greens, zucchini, yams and Coconut Secret teriyaki sauce. Threw on a few cashews for crunch. Had a few chunks of pineapple too.

Hungry again around 2:15 so I grabbed a handful of nuts and an apple.

Dinner--Grilled shrimp, brussels and squash. Had a handful of nuts and dried mango before bed.

Day 4--
Woke up to cramping and "lady time" out of nowhere. Otherwise felt ok.

Breakfast-- Coconut oil coffee, 2 prosciutto egg cups, mixed veggies and 1/2 an orange.

Training was cleans, running and a tabata circuit. Felt ok during.

Lunch--yams, sausage, salad, olives, kraut and dried mango.

Snack--Pineapple and then some veggies/guac at a party. Saw the tasty cake and happy to say my body was like "nope".

Dinner-- Elk and beef stew in lamb bone broth, cauli rice and greens anddddd more dried mango..

Day 5--
Afternoon slump big time. Otherwise ok.
Breakfast-- Egg and banana "oats" with almond butter, cashews, coconut, berries and coconut milk coffee.

Rest day.

Lunch-- 2 grassfed beef sausages, salad with olives, kraut and fresh fruit.

Snack--Apple, macadamia nuts and dried mango.

Dinner--Turkey patty, guac, salsa, salad, mixed veggies and dried mango (damn this stuff!!).

Day 6--
Woke up a little tired. Otherwise good.

Breakfast-- Leftover stew with greens, an egg, coconut oil coffee and berries.

Train-- Deadlifts, bench and circuit...felt GOOD!

Lunch--Turkey patty, veg, guac/salsa, plantain chips

Dinner--Big ass bison New York Strip, grilled cabbage and grilled mixed veggies.

Day 7--
Woke up with a major headache that stuck around ALL day!

Rest day.

Breakfast--Leftover bison steak, 1/2 avocado, an egg, veggies, 1/2 orange and coconut oil coffee.

Lunch-- 3 salmon patties, homemade mayo, big ass salad, dried mango.

Dinner-- Roasted chicken with carrots and onions, greens and watermelon.

Day 8--
A little groggy when I first work up...otherwise ok. Hubby mentioned how much better he feels and how his stomach is already shrinking! My mouth rash is gone and my stomach def has deflated a bit. Good stuff!

Breakfast-- leftover stew with greens and an egg, berries and coconut oil coffee.

Training was back squats, push pressed and circuit training after. Felt ok. Not as strong as I'd hoped for. I'll get there!

Lunch--Chicken salad and mango. Needed a cupppa coffee around 2pm for a boost. I should have included a starchy carb with my lunch since it was my post workout snack.

Snack was an Epic bar and dried mango.

Dinner--Shrimp and broccoli slaw stir fry with harissa.

Day 9--Slept in. Woke up with a slight headache but way less bloating. Yay for that!
Breakfast-- Banana and egg scramble with almond butter, coconut, cashews and berries plus my usual coconut oil coffee.

Hit a quick sweaty circuit for training. For snack I had a Chomp stick and a handful of macadamia nuts and dried apple chips.

Lunch--Leftover stew with microgreens and yams along with melon.

Dinner--Venison burgers with grilled cabbage, grilled green beans topped with red chili tapenade.

Day 10-- Woke up pretty bloated and (ahem) backed up if you catch my drift. Not the most pleasant day thus far!
Breakfast-- Veggie hash, egg, bacon, kraut, 1/2 an orange and coconut coffee.

Snacks--nuts, cashew butter with apple, dried apple, almond butter ants on a log (I was extra hungry apparently)

Lunch--Roast beef and veggie roll ups with a BAS.

Dinner--Ground rabbit with harissa cauliflower rice. More of those damn dried apples afterwards.

Day 11-- Woke up feeling less bloated and back to my happily pooping self! :)
Training was a sweaty circuit and abs.
Breakfast- Banana "pancakes" (all compliant ingredients but you really aren't supposed to do bread subs.  Whatever. I needed to use up some sad bananas and baked goods aren't my vice. Topped with almond butter and berries. Coffee as usual.

Lunch--Sausages, kraut, yams and grilled broccoli.

Snacks--Nuts and an apple

Dinner--Chicken patty, salad, salsa and plantain chips.

Day 12--Had a tough time falling asleep last night. Otherwise feeling pretty good. Spent time outside with my family and hit the lake for some stand up paddle boarding. :)
Breakfast--Hash, eggs, bacon, coconut coffee and 1/2 an orange.

Snacks--Chomp stick, apple, melon

Lunch--Leftovers

Dinner--Snack Attack!!!!

Day 13-- Woke up feeling pretty good. Had a decent lifting session after breakfast. 

Breakfast--Banana Eggs, almond butter, berries, coconut flakes, hazelnuts and coffee as usual.

Lunch-- Yams, cauli rice, chicken burger and leftover raw veggies from last night.

Snack-- Date/almond/coconut bites

Dinner-- Elk, tomato basil salad, spaghetti squash

Day 14-- Felt ok upon waking up. Went fishing with the kid. Kind of bloated and anxiety in full swing late morning. Weird!
Breakfast-- veggie omelet, bacon, mortadella, kraut, orange and coffee as usual.

Snacks-- Date/almond/coconut bites

Lunch--Freshly caught Bluegill and Trout, leftover veggies and a few bites of melon.

Dinner--Grilled marinated eggplant and squash with grassfed sirloin lettuce wraps. YUM! Post dinner I had several more date bites. I'm glad they are gone. I need to stop the snacking I think!

Day 15--Got up early so I could go train with my friend. Felt pretty perky and ready to go as soon as I woke up.

Breakfast--Leftover veggies and an egg. Coffee as usual and cantaloupe too.

Training was some lifting and a 15 minute sweaty circuit. Felt really tapped out during my workout. No tiger blood yet. Really hoping it kicks in soon! I also feel doughy in my middle. Yep, time to get mean on the snacking and fruit.

Lunch--Duck fat potatoes, greens and venison rounds. I felt SO much better after those taters. I think I'm a little carb depleted and dear lord...that Epic duck fat is the shizzle!

Snack--Almond butter and celery.

Dinner-- Grilled shrimp, broccoli, beets, greens and avocado. Afterwards I split a banana in half, smeared it with almond butter, sprinkled it with coconut, wrapped it in foil and grilled it up for a gooey, warm, delish "treat".

Day 16--I was planning on running this morning before breakfast but decided to sleep in. I slept til almost 7:45!! That's huge for me. Guess I needed it!

Breakfast--Yams cooked in duck fat (yeah, I'm obsessed with this stuff), greens, steak with scrambled eggs, nettle kraut and some lovely fruit.

Lunch--Deli Turkey Salad with plantain chips and grapes.

Snack--Celery, almond butter and a small handful of raisins

Dinner--Grilled thighs, green beans and beets with harissa.

Day 17--Woke up full of energy and hungry! Belly feels a bit big today and clothes are snug. Hmmmm....

Breakfast--Duck fat roasted taters, greens and 2 eggs with coffee as usual.

Pre-workout snack RX bar

Training--Lifting. Felt pretty good.

Lunch--Green beans with tapenade, squash, beets, a thigh and fruit

Snack--Handful of macadamia nuts and a tiny apple

Dinner-- Ground turkey, sautéed cabbage, BAS, guac, salsa and plantain chips.

Day 18--Got up early to go train with some girlfriends. Felt pretty perky.

Breakfast--Chia breakfast jar. Kinda weird but gave me a TON of good energy during our Tabata circuit!

Snack--Chomp Stick

Lunch--Sausages, kraut, local fruit and a big salad. NOM!

Snack--Noshed on some fresh melon as I was cutting it up. Perfect after a super hot couple of hours at our lake!

Dinner--Snack attack! Smoked salmon, prosciutto, prosciutto melon salad, veggies, nuts, cashew "cheese" spread and organic fruit. Not gonna like, I ALMOST caved and had some wine. I'm glad  didn't but man did I want some!

Day 19--Had a hard time falling asleep last night. I have a lot on my mind so I don't think it's Whole 30 related in the slightest.

Rest day from training.

Breakfast--Leftover crepes from my freezer. Totally compliant. Mine had apples sautéed in coconut oil with cinnamon, almond butter, bananas and strawberries. Coffee with coconut oil as usual.

Snack--Handful of macadamia nuts.

Lunch-- Leftover sausage and veggie "hash", fruit and a few carrots sticks with leftover cashew "cheese" spread.

Snack-- Melon and a chicken Epic bar...this has to be my least fave flavor they have but I needed some protein!

Dinner--Instant Pot turkey legs, cauliflower rice and a blend of radish greens, kohlrabi greens and kale. SO good!

Went to town on macadamia nuts and an apple before bed. I feel like all I did was eat today.

Day 20-- Woke up feeling like I was getting hit with a stomach or urinary issue. Lots of pressure, some pain and just feeling weird in general. It almost feels like maybe I pulled something in my core too....

Breakfast--Frittata, greens, bacon, fruit and coconut oil coffee.

Pre-Workout--Larabar

Training was testing one rep maxes for bench press and deadlifts. Got PRs on both. Thinking I could have done even better if I was feeling 100%.

Lunch--Leftover turkey, cauli rice, greens, cashew cheese with carrots and fruit.

Dinner--Beef taco salad with pineapple after.

The pain ended up getting MUCH worse and I started running a fever with chills so I went to urgent care where I got to spend THREE hours waiting to see the dr. Good times.

Day 21-- Still sick so taking a rest day. I really wanted to run today so I'm kinda cranky.

Breakfast--Compliant SWYPO pancakes with almond and cashew butters. Coconut oil coffee as usual.

Lunch--Prosciutto and smoked salmon frittata with kraut and fresh fruit.

Snack--Lara bar and coffee on date with hubby. Also grabbed a yummy green immunity boosting juice later in the day.

Dinner--Grassfed NY strip and tons of grilled veggies.

Post dinner snack of macadamia nuts and an apple.


Day 22!! Wowza. It's flown by. Another rest day since I'm still fighting whatever this is!

Breakfast--Egg, bacon, chard, fruit, black coffee and plantains with kraut.

Snack--1/2 an apple and some macadamia nuts.

Lunch--Sausages, roasted cabbage, yams and kraut. Had a pineapple, cucumber and mint juice later in the day. Cashew milk cold brew latte too.

Dinner--Fresh caught pan fried bluegill, shrimp and a huge BAS with chipotle mayo "dressing"

Snack--3/4 of a peach

Day 23--Still fighting this damn whatever it is off. I'm dragging butt pretty badly and the antibiotics are causing some bloat/belly unhappiness. Yay for that. I'm calling the rest of the week a recovery week and not stressing about training. It's not helping me to fret over it! Spent some time at my lake today. Can you say bliss?

Breakfast--Prosciutto scrambled eggs, yams with spinach and fresh fruit along with coconut oil coffee.

Lunch--Snacked on some pineapple while cutting it up. Sausages, cabbage and kraut for our actual meal.

Snack was 1/2 an apple with hazelnuts and macadamia nuts.

Dinner-- Lettuce wrapped turkey burgers with plantain chips, guac and salsa.

Day 24--Woke up FINALLY feeling a little more normal. Wahoo! Still sticking with my recovery week plan til Sunday's sweat session with friends. REALLY wanted to go out to lunch with hubby while kid was at camp but there are zero compliant places locally. I'm kind of ready for this to be over to be honest.

Breakfast-- "Porridge" with almond butter and coconut oil coffee.

Lunch-- Chili Lemon Salmon, BAS and fresh fruit.

Snacks--Dried mango and fresh fruit. Also had a lovely rose mint tea later in the day.

Dinner-- Instant Pot London broil with onions, duck fat roasted taters and tatsoi . Fresh pineapple after.

Day 25--Slept in til 7 this morning. Ahhhhh! I'll be honest,  I'm having some wine with my Love tonight. I'm not breaking the Whole30 otherwise. I'll still see it through to the end before I start adding other items back in. We started this round to kill the sugar dragon and crap eating which we easily did! I'm planning on trying to do a proper reintroduction phase this time.

Breakfast--Paleo English Muffin sandwich with coconut oil coffee and fruit.

18 mile ride with the family.

Lunch-- Skirt steak, leftover veggies and fruit. Too hungry to take a photo!

Snack--Lara Bar and cashew milk ice coffee.

Dinner--Snack attack (TOTALLY compliant) and the most amazing red from Ruby Hill EVER. I had a small wine-gasm. Don't judge.

Day 26-- Slept like shit and woke up feeling a little hungover. Drank that delish wine a little too fast I guess!

Breakfast--Banana, chia and egg scramble topped with almond butter and grain free granola. Local berries and coconut coffee too.

Training was a 12 minute EMOM then a 7 minute AMRAP. I felt like shit and totally puny. I can tell I've been sick and have taken several days off! Oh well, back to it!

Lunch-- Turkey and veggie stuffed acorn squash with sea greens kraut

Snack--RX bar and cashew milk cold brew. Later on had some fruit while I was prepping it.

Dinner--Lamb chops, mashed purple taters and mustard greens. No pics but it was tasty!

I know we only have 4 more days left but damn guys...I'm over this. Seriously. I like the way I'm eating but I hate not being able to go grab a meal out when we want to or not being able to eat turkey bacon because it has a tiny bit of sugar in it.  I miss peanut butter, the occasional GOOD cheese and my dark chocolate!!!

Kiddo went to sleep over..instead of going out I made us gangster sized cocktails with fresh squeezed juice and legit high quality rum from this place we visited in Seattle last month. YUM!

Day 27--We've decided that we are done with this round. It's been real....I'll start the reintroduction phase tomorrow. I am happy with calling it...I got my eating back under control and I already know, for the most part, what does and doesn't work for my body. I don't know if I lost any weight...I didn't bother weighing before and won't bother weighing now because that's not my main focus. I did get rid of the belly bloating so that's a win for me!

Breakfast--Veggie and egg casserole, pineapple, kraut, beef bacon and lots hot black coffee.

Snack--Rx bar and dried mango later on

Lunch--leftover London broil, taters and greens with some pineapple afterwards. Hubby caved and had fried chicken with the kid. He has an iron stomach so he'll be just fine.

Snack--Freshly baked banana cashew muffin. Still totally compliant ingredients.

Dinner--Drumsticks with Brussels. I went to town on the Brussels! Afterwards had two squares of Theo salted almond dark chocolate.  Oh how I've miss dark chocolate!

Reintroduction day 1--Today I test out non-gluten grains.

Breakfast--Wholesome Chow protein pancakes with syrup and fresh berries. Black coffee accompanied.

Training--Lots of weights with supersets. Took me a few to get into it but once I did, I felt great!

Lunch--Sausages, kraut, BAS, olives and a banana cashew muffin afterwards.

Snacks--2 squares of Theo dark chocolate and pineapple as I was dicing it up.

Dinner--My friend brought over a surprise cider delivery. Hooray! We split a habanero cider between the three of us while she was here. Afterwards we went to our fave pizza place. I had a little bit of salad (forgot to ask for no cheese), a Red Cap cider and 1/2 of 14 inch gluten free/cheese free veggie pizza. I got home and my stomach felt like shit. Not sure if it was all the pizza, the grain or what. While I was eating my mouth rash weirdness flared up a little too. Hmmmmm.....I'm pretty I'm going to need to experiment with specific GF grains to see what causes the issue. I already know I don't love corn in large doses...same with dairy.

August 31, 2016 or what would have been day 29 if we hadn't called it...Woke up today feeling a little better..just bloated plus sore from yesterday's training. I'm not going to stress too much over reintroducing a bunch of the things I cut out right now. I think tomorrow I'll try some peanut butter for my legume reintro and maybe some good cheese and or Greek yogurt over the weekend but I've got no real plans to go back to eating a bunch of grain/wheat/gluten/dairy etc on a regular basis. I think I'll keep our eating to a mostly Whole30 (but honey and other sweeteners are ok) way of doing it. I'd love to try a 90 day version some day but I don't think I could go that long without feeling really restricted. Maybe I'll make up my own rules and try it at some point! ;)

I think I'll drink some more coffee, hit publish and call this blog post finished. :)

If you have any questions or comments about Whole30, please hit me up! Sorry for any typos. I'm still in my PJs trying to get this published before my kiddo wakes up!

11 Years Ago On This Date

Once upon a time there was The Girl. She lived with her family and attended school as kids often do. In her 8th grade homeroom there was The Boy who's last name began with "B". He was the last B in class. She was the first "C". She sat behind him and hid behind her skater bangs.

They were friendly as both were nice people, but were never really friends that year. Once they got into high school they talked about music and even had lunch at a Chinese restaurant together on some random occasion. The Boy went off to a nerd school and was gone from her life. Senior prom they ran into each other again and said "hi, hello, so good to see you!" Then went on about their lives. Years later, on a whim, The Girl found The Boy on classmates.com and sent him a note. They became email buddies on and off. One day, things changed and they started chatting on yahoo chat. Then they started talking on the phone. The Girl lived in TN, The Boy lived in CA. One day-- The Boy came to visit The Girl. They were clearly smitten from the get go.

The Girl went to visit The Boy a couple of times as well.

They were always sad to be apart. It didn't feel right. The last time The Girl visited The Boy he had a very special question for her. She said "YES!"

The Boy moved to TN to be with The Girl. They wanted to get married in NC at a very special place.

That ended up not working out so they decided to move the wedding to MS so everyone they loved could attend. On June 11th, 2005 The Girl kicked The Boy out of their hotel room and began a transformation of sorts.  

She put on a special dress. And she took a ride in a fancy car to The Maritime and Seafood Industry Museum. It was a lovely rainy day.

The Boy was there waiting for her at the end of the make- shift aisle.

There, in front of friends and family, they pledged to be respectful, kind and true to each other for as long as they both lived. They laughed. They smiled. They were full of joy.

Their friend prounounced them man and wife then they sealed the deal with a smooch!

They danced and celebrated the night away surrounded by those who loved them dearly!

Dear Boy, 

I know this life isn't always easy and the path we chose to take together isn't the smoothest but I'm damn glad to have you by my side! I love you dearly, completely and eternally. Happy 11 year anniversary. I look forward to seeing where we end up in another 11 years!

Love,

The Girl

Capital City Half Recap

Ohhhhhh CCM. How excited I was to run my first race in Oly! I trained hard and was doing well til everything went down with Pops. Training took a serious backseat! I decided this past Thursday to sign up and run it anyway. I knew I wouldn't touch my half PR time but that was ok. I just wanted to finish it sub 2 with a smile on my face.

Saturday I picked up my race packet. I was so nervous. Picking up my bib meant I was really gonna do it! Ran into a few people I knew. Walked up on a conversation that ended with "here she comes" which made me feel really uncomfortable. Old insecurity issues came rushing back. It kind of put a damper on the excitement I always feel at race bib pick up. Hubby reminded me that I have no way of knowing what that conversation as about. It could have been about my Dad passing. It could have been about me being a flaky weirdo. I dunno. In the scheme of things, I guess it's not important. Here's my obligatory race bib pick up photo!

I spent the day chilling with my guys. Went to bed early that night after laying out all my gear. I woke up nice and early Sunday morning. Had my mashed yams, kraut, fried egg and black cuppa coffee. Pooped 87 times (yay race belly) and hit the road. I LOVED that this race is like 10 minutes from my house! Yay on that. Got there, met up with a few friends, took a few pics, used the porta potty and it was time to line up. I knew there were VERY fast runners running in this race so I found the 1:45 pacers and got a nice distance behind them at the start line. The count down started and we were off.

The course was nice. I put my tunes on and just ran for the most part. I varied my pacing...figured as long as I could roll with under 9 minute miles, I'd be ok. I ran hard a few times and I reigned it in a few times. I became obvious pretty quickly for me that this indeed was NOT the race I'd set a new PR on. I chatted a few times with other runners but as always, it's hard for a runner who's going solo to make new runner friends during an actual race!

I drank water sparingly which was a big mistake on my part. I was scared of having bladder issues and didn't want to overdo it on the hydrating during my race. I got pretty tired about half way in. Felt like I was flagging pretty good. I ate some carb chews every mile or so but those weren't doing much of anything. I had a nice surge of energy on a downhill part which I used to make up for some lost time. I had a good clip going then nature called and I realized if I didn't use the next available bathroom, I'd regret it. I stopped to pee and honestly that was it...I bonked hard after that. I had periods where my legs felt like cement blocks. I thought about walking but reminded myself that I have NEVER walked in half and I wasn't starting now. I focused on putting one foot in front of the other.

I came up on another group of spectators and saw a sign with my name on it...I thought "hmmm...must be another Lisa running too" then I looked closer. It was my AMAZING friend Rochelle! She made a sign for me and was cheering me on. Boy, I need that. It put a little spring back in my stride.

Finally after what felt like 4 hours, I noticed we were nearing the finish line and that we were on a downhill again. Sadly, I didn't have enough juice to kick it all the way down but I did muster enough to get a good pace across the finish line. My guys were there screaming and cheering me on. I crossed the finish, got my medal, kissed my guys and THEN came the calf cramping. Holy ouch. My official time was 1:56:50. Not awful with the bathroom stop and bonk.

I made myself eat some post race pizza and a mini cupcake though I truly didn't want to eat. Stayed for a while to see a few peeps then headed home for a much needed shower. I got dressed and demanded to be taken out for lunch. We hit up a local brewery for post race carbs. Headed to the farmers market after and by that point I was dead on my feet.

Came home, took a 2 hour nap and work up with a headache from hell. I'm still not feeling right this morning so I know I truly bonked on yesterday's run. Today I'm resting, refueling and stretching. Tomrorow I'll go run again and see how I feel. :)


CCM pros--
Well run, awesome spectator participation, great post race food, awesome volunteers, pretty course, close to home, cool medals and swag

CCM cons--
Zero complaints!

The Last Month Plus

The last month plus has been a blur. I feel like I'm sort of coming of the fog and can finally start to try to process everything that's happened. I know most of you guys know what's been going on but I need to blog it anyway just to get it all out.

Sunday April 3rd started off awesome. The guys and I headed to Lake Cushman for a gorgeous hike. We spent the day in forest and had a great time. On the way out of town we decided to stop for a late lunch. My cell phone finally had reception again and I had a voicemail from my Uncle D come in. He told me to call him back asap and that my Dad was in the hospital. I called him and was told my Dad had gone in because he'd fallen like 6 times over just that weekend. He hurt his leg. During the course of the day and many test later, they found out one of his lungs had a giant mass covering it. I knew it was cancer before we found out for sure. Fast forward to that Thursday after lots of tears and worry over his health....we got the Stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis. It had spread to his liver AND spine. I had just booked my flight to come home that next day and surprise my Dad. The doctor gave him 3-5 months of life left.

I flew home that Friday and spent the next almost two weeks in MS. I won't go into all the drama and details over the crap we dealt with trying to get my Dad into a place where he'd be taken well care of because I just can't rehash that part right now. By the time my Dad was discharged from the hospital (that next Tuesday) the discharging doctor gave him 2-3 months of life left. Dad declined so fast...I watched it happen every single day I was there. It's a terrible thing when a man is laughing one second and sobbing in pain the next. The place they sent him to was AWFUL. Nursing homes are not the place for a man to die with dignity!

I came home for a week, got my kiddo and headed back down there. I needed my Dad to see my son and vice versa. We tried to have a little fun while we were there. My son ate beignets for the first time. We walked on the beach. We got gangster on desserts at a casino buffet and he got to have a little conversation with my Dad while he was still "with it" enough to chat.

I could not believe how much more Pop had gone down hill when I walked into his room at the nursing home after being gone for just a week. I managed to get him moved to a real in patient hospice facility that Monday. I was SO thankful we got him in there. Those people were amazing and my Dad was FINALLY being taken care of. His decline continued. He lost the ability to converse, he was fully bedbound and unable to attend to even his most basic of needs, he stopped eating, stopped drinking. My formerly large Dad shrank and shrank until his arms were the size of mine...I knew we didn't have a lot of time left. I wanted to be there with my Dad when he passed away so he'd know he wasn't alone. I waited, I agonized over when to go home. I extended our trip out. Finally friends AND hospice workers told me I needed to get my son home. That my Dad might last for a couple more weeks. They said they'd call me when I started showing signs of imminent death so I could get back down there. They also told me that he might be waiting on us to leave...he might need us to go. I decided that I'd give him that opportunity and so I booked our flights to come back home Saturday...the day before Mother's Day.

That Friday I sat at my Dad's beside and held his hand. I watched him. I cried. I prayed to whomever might be listening that his suffering would be over soon. I talked to him. I told him all the things I needed him to know. I told him I was leaving but that I'd come back to be with him if he wanted that. I also told him if he was ready to go then not to hold on. I told him I will be ok. Coop will be ok. All his business had been handled. I KNEW that evening when I left that was the last time I'd see my Dad. I can't really put into words the way I felt....the way I still feel....

The kid and I arrived home safely. We spent Saturday evening and all day Sunday trying to get back to "normal". On Monday May 9th we got up and had breakfast. We just finished eating when my phone rang. It was 7:13 am. I saw it was hospice calling and I felt like I'd been punched in my stomach. They called to tell me that my Dad passed away peacefully in his sleep. He basically just stopped breathing. My Mom had called to check on him 1.5 hours before and he was holding steady. I guess my Pop decided he'd go out quietly and privately...with nobody around. He didn't need anyone to hold his hand. If you knew him, you'd understand this totally fit his style. " I do it my way and nobody else's" was def his method. He passed away one month and 2 days after his terminal diagnosis. I wish I'd know just how little time we had....

My Dad was cremated. His ashes are waiting on me to pick them up. I'm going back to MS with my guys next month. We will be hosting and Blues and BBQ memorial in his honor. We'll be driving back up to WA. Dad asked me to scatter him in the Cascades so we will be taking one final, legit road trip together. I fought like hell to get my Dad out to WA to be with us. I'm sad I couldn't pull it off while he was alive but I've learned from all this that some things are out of our hands. That was a tough lesson for a control freak like me. That's all I've got for now. More later today regarding life after a loved one's passing.